CherishedLife

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  • Gifts your children will never forget

    Gifts your children will never forget

    I may not recall the lovely gifts my parents gave me, but when it comes to the most impactful childhood memories, I could talk about them endlessly. These are the experiences, lessons, and values that have stayed with me into adulthood.
    One biblical figure I deeply admire is Daniel. His unwavering character and convictions, even in the face of temptation, inspire me.  I’m keenly reminded that parents need to sow into their children as Daniel’s parents did that is to raise children who will thrive in a toxic culture. It is that character and conviction that will preserve them in times of trouble.

    What kind of gifts will leave a lasting impact and transform your child’s life forever?

    Ongoing affection
    It is often believed that a distant or unaffectionate father can lead boys to struggle with emotional expression and may cause girls to seek validation through sexual expression. Many girls who engage in promiscuous behavior usually have fathers who are either emotionally or physically absent. Growing up, I can’t remember my parents hugging me and I equally cannot recall them hugging, it’s not a part of them. I vividly remember visiting my cousin for the first time and watching her play, hug, and laugh with her children moved me to tears, wishing I could have experienced that kind of love. Now I understand how crucial it is to nurture affection in a child’s life, and I’ve decided to break that cycle. When I have children, I will hold their hands, hug them, and peck them often. If we don’t give our children the love and affection they need, they may seek it from the wrong places.

    Encouraging word
    Children learn by observing the world around them. Therefore, it’s essential to use positive language and offer encouraging words in their presence. Words are powerful, and when they are pointed and positive we remember them. Proverbs 12:18 says Thoughtless words cut like a sword. But the tongue of wise people brings healing. Some people bear emotional scars into adulthood from the hurtful words spoken to them. We have the opportunity to nurture our children in such a way that they are armed with emotional resilience which will equip them with the mental strength needed to face the world with confidence. Tell them how important they are to you and how much you believe in them. I grew up in a community where parents would insult and curse their children out of frustration, which has led many of those children to adopt a wayward lifestyle. The words you choose to speak today can either build confidence or destroy hope pushing your child further into despair. It is their character and conviction that will sustain them in times of trouble.

    Serious fun
    Growing up in an environment filled with fun, laughter, and play helps reduce a child’s anxiety, diminish their fears, and lessen feelings of hostility and anger. Proverbs 17:22 says A cheerful heart makes you healthy. But a broken spirit dries you up. Find ways to bring fun into your home, because when children don’t experience it there, they may look for it elsewhere—and it might not be the healthy fun you want them to have. Play board games, cook together, go hiking, watch movies, do a family workout, take pictures, etc.

    Delicate discipline
    One way we show love to our children is through discipline. It’s important to find a discipline method that effectively supports your child’s growth. Discipline isn’t about punishment; it’s about teaching your child positive habits that will serve them well in life’s challenges. Be the role model they can look up to. Children often imitate their parents, so demonstrating good habits can help them incorporate those behaviors into their lives. Establish clear rules and routines, such as brushing their teeth before bed or finishing homework before watching TV, and consistently follow through. If these rules aren’t followed, ensure your child understands the consequences. As a child, I remember playing with friends and sometimes staying out late, fully aware of the consequences I would face. I rarely saw my parents visiting friends late unless there was a special reason, and that set an example for me.

    Activated responsibility
    Responsibility must be taught and modeled. I remember once when I forgot to take my lunch to school, and the resulting hunger really affected my ability to concentrate. Since that day, I’ve made sure never to forget it again. Sometimes, parents need to let their children experience consequences to help them grow as long as the consequences aren’t harmful, allow your kids to experience the natural consequences of their behaviors. Understanding the connection between their actions and the outcomes is essential for healthy development.
    One way my mom helped me transition from dependence to healthy independence was by teaching me to do chores. She would sometimes wake me up at 6 a.m. to clean up, do the dishes, and get ready before school. Through this, I learned discipline and responsibility. Your child can learn to be a person of integrity and reliability well before adulthood.

    Faithfulness to your spouse
    A marriage, where the love between spouses is evident and palpable, provides a foundation of security and stability for children. The day I hear my daughter say, “I love that you love Daddy,” will fill my heart with joy and bring me humbly before God, asking for His grace to continue loving my husband—the father of my children—with His boundless love. This is the greatest gift I can offer my children.
    Faithfulness in marriage extends beyond physical commitment; it involves your eyes, heart, thoughts, emotions, and spirit. Guard your sexuality daily and devote it wholly to your spouse. Your children will undoubtedly notice this example and be shaped by it. The most precious gift we can give them is to love our spouse faithfully.

    Consistent presence
    Presence is not all about physically being around your children. Some might argue, “But I work from home.” Here’s the key question – are you truly present with your heart or just your body? The issue is not just physical presence but a perceived presence. I began living with my older sister when I was 10, and being away from my parents often left me feeling lonely, especially when I saw my nieces and nephews laughing and playing with their dads. I have fewer memories of those intimate moments—comforting words, playful activities, or shared routines with my parents. Unlike other kids, they may be around their parents but never get to spend that quality time with them.

    Peaceful home
    My husband and I are committed to creating a peaceful home, especially after studying children’s needs. We want our children to see our house as a sanctuary of tranquility. Why is peace so important? Because kids face daily battles—bullying, peer pressure, and issues related to body image. If our children know they can return to a safe and nurturing environment, it helps them cope with stress, comparisons, and negativity. On the other hand, a hostile atmosphere marked by constant arguments, an irresponsible father, a disengaged mother, or a chaotic home can drive a wedge between family members and diminish the sense of peace we aspire to create.

    Continuous learning
    Cultivating a passion for learning goes beyond merely studying for grades. Encourage your children by modeling a love for reading books on personal development, relationships, and spirituality. Many lessons I’ve learned about life didn’t come from my parents but from the books I read. Movies also offer valuable insights that can spark meaningful discussions. It’s important to help your children understand that every experience holds a lesson to be discovered.

    Positive memories
    Building memories is like earning an “A” in parenting because your children will carry those moments with them forever. I still remember the times my mom, my three sisters and I shared the same plate every Christmas. I can vividly recall the day I got lost on the farm, and my sister cried searching for me, even though I wasn’t far away. These and many others are the memories that stay with me. But ask yourself, what will your children remember most about you? Will it be the special moments, or will they only recall you yelling and fighting at their father? My point is that memories matter and good parents make intentional memories.

    What other “gifts” can you provide your children that will stay with them for a lifetime? Share your thoughts in the comments section below!

  • Key Qualities That Enhance Influence and Persuasion

    Key Qualities That Enhance Influence and Persuasion

    Have you ever thought about what drives people to follow someone, or what made Jesus so influential?

    The simple answer is that we follow others either by choice or necessity, often motivated by personal gain. However, certain factors can compel us to follow someone, whether willingly or reluctantly. Understanding why you choose to follow individuals, both online and offline, is essential for effective living.

    Let’s look the life of Jesus as an example. When He said “follow me” to Peter, Andrew, James, and John in Matthew 4:18-22, He was inviting them to embark on a journey with Him, to learn and experience a new way of life. These men chose to follow Jesus not because they had seen proof, but because they were drawn to His promise of transforming them into “fishers of men.”

    In Mark 2, large crowds gathered around Jesus as He taught and ministered. They were drawn to Him because of His compassion and the miracles He performed—restoring sight to the blind and enabling the paralyzed to walk. This illustrates that people follow others not merely out of admiration, but often in exchange for something meaningful.

    Understand that whoever you choose to follow is often seeking your attention to influence your thoughts and actions. While not all leaders actively seek the spotlight, some are begrudgingly followed.

    Influence is essentially the power to bring about change and various qualities foster followership, but I will highlight a few key traits that lie at the heart of influence. If you posses these qualities, you are likely to attract followers. Conversely, lacking them may result in fewer people choosing to follow you.

    Vision

    People of vision know where they are going and how to get there. Vision is the magnet that attracts. It is imperative that in any setting, a leader who comes up with a future plan steer his followers toward its achievement. Like Martin Luther King Jr. he envisioned a world where people won’t be judged by their skin color. Every man is created equal and should enjoy the same rights and privileges. His vision changed the lives of African Americans in his time.

    Sometimes visions begin with a burden. Like Nehemiah, his heart broke when he saw how bad things were in Jerusalem.  And he felt the burden in his heart to do something about it. As the King’s cupbearer, he asked for the King’s permission and help to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem which was broken down and its gates burned with fire. Eventually, others joined him and the wall was built. Nehemiah 1:1-4. 

    A true vision is energizing, it keeps us going. People don’t follow people for name’s sake, they follow people for the vision they have. Vision harnesses effort in the direction of a definite goal, and keeps it from running wild.

    “A nation without vision is a nation without order”. Proverbs 29:18

    Charisma

    Charm and confidence draw followers. Charisma is the ability to captivate a person to influence them. Sarah was well known in college because of her ability to inspire a strong feeling of enthusiasm and a “Can-do” attitude as you tackle tough assignments. People happily followed her online and offline because of the energy that permeates her outward appearance and she encouraged them every step of the way. She excites and connects with her audience on an emotional level.  Charisma is magnetic and it commands influence.

    Wisdom/knowledgeableness

    For some months now, we’ve been reading through the book of Proverbs during Sunday service. This collection of proverbs or “wise sayings” encourages us to seek God’s wisdom and apply it to our daily lives. The benefits of acting wisely are woven through the book of Proverbs, one of which is that people will want to listen to you. Many came to hear and listen to the wisdom of King Solomon. People also saw how he was able to make good and wise decisions.

    Possession of resources

    If you’ve been broke before and now you are rich, you should be able to tell the difference. The value placed on you now should be stunning. Proverbs 14:20 says The poor are shunned even by their neighbors, but the rich have many friends because money is attractive and people like to be spent on. Possessing resources is not all about money or material things, it can be ideas. Just have something that can solve problems and people will run after you.

    “Wealth adds many friends, But a poor person is separated from his friend” Proverbs 19:4,

    Trust, integrity, and character

    People of trust, integrity, and character don’t shout saying they have them. They are seen for themselves. If we want people to follow us, there must be some level of trust. The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles is integrity.  Having a firm belief in the reliability of someone’s word and action is trust. The ability to be authentic and credible with a good reputation is character. There is nothing worse than trying to follow someone that lies. At my first encounter with Christ, knowing Him with so much trust and integrity made me follow as He leads. Not many people live genuine and reliable lives but when we find one, we listen and follow them.

    Accomplishments and results

    Having expertise draws willing and thirsty people who are eager to learn. Experts are achievers, and people follow them because of their track record of accomplishment. People follow giant killers like they followed David after he defeated Goliath.  A sense of accomplishment involves accomplishing goals, a change in condition or outlook, overcoming challenges, etc. 

     Compassion and sacrifice

    The ability to put ourselves in the shoes of others makes a leader. Compassion is the quality of having good intentions and concerns for others. This helps in creating a strong connection between people and it improves trust. People follow those that look out for their best interests and do so without the demand for reward or recognition. Sacrifice is inspirational. It reminds me of a quote from Jim Elliott: “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” denying our desires for the good of others is sacrifice. This is a kind and admirable gesture.

    do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also the interests of others. Philippians 2:4

    Conclusion

    These qualities don’t come cheap, if we want to lead people into their destinies, we must be willing to develop these sterling qualities.

    There are many voices and appeals out there seeking our attention and followership. One of the startling statements Jesus made about himself was ‘’I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. The popular saying in Nigeria is – “follow who know road’‘. Meaning follow the person who knows the way. I follow Christ because He doesn’t just know the way rather, He is the Way. All the above qualities are embedded in Him. Whether people follow us or we follow them, let it be an opportunity to become more Christ-like, better than we were.

    What qualities do you think are most important in a leader, and how do they shape your own decisions about whom to follow?

  • “6 Proven Parenting Lessons from Daniel’s Life”

    “6 Proven Parenting Lessons from Daniel’s Life”

    The world offers its own insight on parenting and how it should be done but the truth on parenting will always be from the Bible. Out there, it is very likely to run into controversial and even conflicting messages on how to go about raising children, but the Bible’s approach remains absolute.

    I realized there was so much to learn about parenting from my very first DBS (a post on this soon) on Daniel chapter 1. Daniel is a man in the Bible that stood out from others during his time, while he share traits with people like Joseph, Josiah and Esther, Daniel is my favorite.

    Although I never met Daniel’s parents, getting to know the child they raised gives me insight into the kind of home he grew up in. There is a chance that it may not even be his biological parents who raised him, but the Daniel people met when he left home tells us who his parents (I use parents to refer to those who raised him) are; sort of like “show me your child, and Ill tell you who you are”.

    Casual vs intentional parenting

    As parents and parents-to-be, our calling, now and always, is to pray for and prepare our children to thrive in today’s challenging and often toxic culture.  

    In my opinion, the Bible has no person as holistically developed as Daniel. For me, he is the result of intentional parenting. Beyond him, you’ll be hard pressed to find many other examples of young men who did not fumble. For the purpose of this post I would be attempting to take the traits that made Daniel exceptional and draw from them, parenting lessons.

    I implore you to take this serious, because casual parenting produce casual children, and by failing to raise your children you are permitting the world to do so.

    His traits

    Daniel was hand-picked by the Kings servants because of the Following traits:

    Healthy – without any physical defect

    This was the first trait that was used to filter out the men from Judah, emphasizing the importance of health. For Daniel to pass this check meant that his parents had instilled in him that health is not something to be taken for granted. If children would really not depart from the way they were trained, then instilling healthy habits is one of the most important gifts you can give your child at a young age.

    Handsome/good looking

    Our bodies were created by God for His purposes, and He uses them for His glory and our benefit. It’s part of our responsibility to care for them, keeping them clean and healthy.  
     
    While children find it easy to compare themselves to the images promoted by society, the Scriptures below can be used to that:  
     

    • God created men and women in His own image and declared us “very good” (Genesis1:26-27).  
    • We are called to offer our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is a form of worship (Romans12:1-2).  
    • Our measure of beauty should not be based on physical standards, but on inner character (1Peter3:3-4).  
       
      In light of these truths, we should make it a priority to teach our children about the true value of our bodies and the nature of beauty.  
       

    Showing aptitude for every form of learning

    Daniel “showed aptitude for every form of learning” meaning he possessed the ability to quickly grasp, understand, and excel in various subjects, skills and disciplines. This indicates a natural talent or developed ability to learn efficiently, whether in academic areas or in practical skills such as problem-solving, critical thinking, or creativity.

    Reading plays a crucial role in fostering such a love and ability for learning. I’ve also recently learned that there is hardly any learning that occurs without taking notes, so we should encourage our children to always take notes. At a younger age engage your children in problem solving games, like matching colors, shapes etc with increasing difficulty as they grow older. Learning can be made fun with a little creativity and effort from us as parents.

    We are responsible for nurturing, not drowning the passions in our children. If your child is drawn to art, the least you can do is have enough paper and crayons or coloring pencils. If you are able to visit museums and galleries, then do so to pique their interest.  Similarly, if they love animals, expose them to National Geographic and YouTube Animal Documentaries and if possible zoos and wildlife parks.
     

    Well informed

    Children are constantly bombarded with various messages from parents, the media, and others about how to navigate life. As parents, it is our responsibility to raise them to be thoughtful, well-informed individuals, grounded in the word of God, capable of sieving different opinions.

    Let them understand their culture, where they come from and their family values that are to guide them wherever they find themselves. Do these and we can be sure to trust their decisions no matter where they are.  
     
    Daniel understood to whom he belonged, which is why, when the king decreed that an idol be worshiped as a god, Daniel never saw that as an option. Raise a child who will stand firm in their convictions, a child who chooses to do what is right because they know it is the best path to follow.  

    Competent to serve in the Kings palace  

    If you knew your kid was going to be an advisor to a king or a future world-changer, would you raise them any differently?
     
    Competence isn’t just about knowing stuff; it’s about being efficient and capable. And you only get that by doing. It’s crucial to raise a child who takes action, and is aware of the consequences to those actions. Our children should not just speak words. Let their actions speak for themselves.  
     

    From a royal/noble family  

    The way you raise your children will determine who they become.

    Children from a royal family often posses a heightened sense of duty and responsibility, they are exposed to formality and protocol, they are educated both in terms of academia as well as their cultural and historical awareness.

    One way I plan on cultivating a sense of duty and responsibility in my children is offering them the responsibility of handling their personal finances. I want them to be aware and practice things like saving and budgeting even from an early age.

    Children with noble character have qualities like respect for God, strength, dignity, courage, a positive attitude, wisdom, and they’re good at following guidance.
     
    Conclusions  
    Intentional parenting is more than just relying on your instinct to raise your children. Remember that there are tons of advice out there on how to parent, but the Bible gives us the best blueprint if you’re looking for the best guidance.

    I hope you learned something vital from this post. Please share your agreements, disagreements, or any other parental advice you have found applicable from the Bible in the comment section below.

    Click here for more more biblical parenting tips.

    Stay blessed!

  • 10 ways to make your relationship work

    10 ways to make your relationship work

    Have you ever looked around and compared yourself to other super cute couples and wondered: “What is it they know that you don’t”? Of course, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship since every couple has its challenges. And yet, it’s true that some couples flourish while others flounder.

    I had always felt that when I met the perfect guy, our love journey would go peacefully and admirably. All we had to do was love each other. After being dished with some experiences, I realized that love is not enough. The keyword on the blog’s title is work. There is no such thing as a successful relationship without work. Let me suggest ten things that can make a great relationship; Just read on to learn.  

    Allow for imperfection

    An often-told folk tale illustrates the futility of perfectionism. A man found a beautiful pearl with one tiny flaw. He thought if he could remove that tiny imperfection, the pearl would be the world’s most priceless. So he took off the next layer, thinking the flaw would surely be removed but it remained. He continued to take off layer after layer until finally, the flaw was gone – but so was the pearl. We all have a share of strengths and weaknesses. Expect them to show off. Does this mean that we should pretend that our mates are perfect? Of course not! It means that we recognize the imperfections, but make a conscious choice to concentrate on all the good qualities, all the possibilities that lie within our partners. This is not talking about abusive traits but human frailty.

    Communicate to understand

    This is a process of passing information for clear and effective understanding. There were times in my relationship we miscommunicate. Other times I didn’t say important things, and our connection’s gear got gummed up. When we learn to express ourselves to the people we love, fewer things go unsaid. Communication is one of the most important parts of our lives and a relationship, though one of the hardest to do. That’s because being open and honest with our partner means being open and honest with ourselves. The happiness of a couple to a large degree can be measured by the effectiveness of their communication. Because it takes away a lot of guesswork and stress. Listening is also a very important part of effective communication, this means that we listen with our ears, eyes, mind, and our heart. A good listener can encourage their partner to talk openly and honestly

    Respect each other

    It’s easy to say that you have respect for someone, but acting with respect can be a bit trickier. The dictionary definition of respect means to show regard for and appreciation of worth, honor, and esteem. Words and attitudes convey or disdain respect. Avoid talking down your partner or ordering them around as you wish. When we speak, the tone of our voice shows if we are respectful or not. Respect means treating each other as equals, not as children. Avoid being rude, belittling your partner, telling jokes at their expense, and discussing their shortcomings. Even if we are angry at them, we should never air our dirty line in public or private.

    Grow and evolve together

    Early on in my relationship, when I first began working on some of my frailties, I told my partner. It wasn’t one big conversation. It was scary at first—and we weren’t always on the same page—but it was also comforting to have someone witness the change that was happening inside me. And by talking about my journey of growth, my partner and I felt closer to each other. We always notice the changes.

    I will be concerned if my relationship of 3, 4, or 5 years is the same as when we first began. Growth and evolution are signs of healthy living. We all want to evolve in our careers, life lessons, finances, and everything in between. Our relationship should also follow suit. Evolution occurs when we learn and grow together. In the beginning, we get together. But once we get together we have to grow together to stay together. Create time to nourish each other’s self-growth. Read books, work on a project together or help each other achieve a dream.

    Practice forgiveness

    Let not the sun go down upon your wrath – is a statement my dad always used to say when I was a child. And for some reason, I assumed it meant that I shouldn’t go to bed angry just in case I die in the night. It’s funny but true because I’ve known cases where it has happened. And believe me, if our partner should ever leave this world during such hours of darkness, the next few years of our lives will be hugely affected by pain and regret. Sorry, for such a morbid example. I don’t mean we should think miserably about the need for forgiveness daily, I just mean we should always live and treat each other as if it were our last time together.

    It’s not healthy to argue constantly in a relationship, but it’s okay to have the occasional row of conflict within the boundaries of grown-up behavior. More importantly, let us learn to always resolve our issues and forgive each other. Each time we fall out, let us apologize. Remember, we are apologizing for allowing things to get overheated and out of hand.

    Play with your mate

    One of the reasons I love to be with children is that they are so much fun. They tell silly jokes, giggle, share new experiences, and dream about the future. Kids are masters at playing together and enjoy simple activities with sheer joy. The two important lessons I learned about playing in a relationship are; first, play is a powerful mode of communication because one expresses keen thoughts and feelings playfully. If you want to understand your children well, watch them while playing. Secondly, play is important when a relationship is stressed. It helps couples plow through rough times because it relieves tension and helps one keep a sense of proportion when struggling with problems. Some play ideas are singing badly for your mate, sharing jokes, doing a dance competition, etc

    Appreciate each other

    We have a very narrow idea of what constitutes a romantic gesture. Flowers, chocolates, dinner, and saying I love are the obvious ones. But in fact, there are an infinite number of ways to show someone we love them. Every little thing they do that they don’t have to do is their way of saying I love you. If we learn to recognize these signs and appreciate them not only will our partner be good but they will feel happy and secure. Let’s compliment them, thank them for their effort, and praise all they do.  

    Laugh a lot

    Humor and laughter relieve tension. Love and laughter build intimacy. Barbara Johnson said laughter is to life what shock absorbers are to automobiles. It won’t take the potholes out of the road, but it sure makes the ride smoother. Playing and laughter go hand in hand. If you and your mate aren’t laughing together, it’s time to begin as the scripture tells us; A merry heart doeth good like a medicine. (proverbs 17:22)

    Focus on problem-solving not conflict

    Almost all relationship issues are common. One of the secret ingredients of a great successful relationship is the ability to look at problems realistically and practically. We all have our problems, no one is perfect but in us is also the ability to solve these issues. It is the rare couple that doesn’t run into a few bumps in the road. If we recognize ahead of time, though, what those relationship problems might be, we’ll have a much better chance of getting past them.

    I had expectations of my mate and each time my expectations aren’t met I get disappointed. After a series of conflicts, I understood that some of my expectations were slightly unrealistic and even impossible to meet. I had to review where that expectation comes from and what is more important – being unrealistic or being happy. By the way, I hate to be unhappy. The point is getting to the root cause of every conflict is far more important.

    Make time for each other

    Scheduling time for special activities together is essential to a great relationship. Go out on dates, pray and study the Bible together, play games, etc. Give focused attention when spending time together both in private and in public. Take a stroll, try out the swings, and see who swings the highest. We could go shopping or hike together. This heightens bonding and intimacy.

       Conclusion

    As you have read, I hope you have found a few chuckles, inspirational thoughts, and a new determination to make your relationship the best it can be. Continual challenges lie ahead regardless of whether we are just starting. Meet each changing stage as it comes enthusiastically and confidently. Keep an open heart for the one you love and be willing to risk opening yourself honestly for the one you love.

    It takes teamwork to achieve this – two who love, trust, and respect each other, and who are committed to allowing God to rule their lives. May we be an example of godly successful relationships even in marriage. Amen.

  • Do you know who you are? Your real Identity

    Do you know who you are? Your real Identity

    DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

    I am not talking about who you are in your family, at your office or around your neighborhood. I am not talking about who you are by looks, the muscle on your body, neither am I talking about you based on your body size – slim, tall, fat, short etc. 

    What legalizes your stand with God in the position we have in Christ? That is why It is important to understand who you are and to live in light of such reality.

    DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

    I mean who you are through your inheritance in Christ Jesus. Who you are by faith through Christ the glorified.

    One of the most important truths about your identity in Christ is that you are a child of God. When you accept Jesus as your Savior, you become a part of God’s family. This means you have a new identity and way of living. You are no longer defined by your past, your mistakes, or your circumstances. You are defined by who God says you are.

    Most times we live so much of what WE ARE NOT and not enough of WHO WE ARE. I do have moments when lies are whispered into my ears reminding me of things I did, people I hurt, and words I have spoken to convey my true identity. Sometimes I believe and live it while other times I ignore them. Then I decided to approach this truth with an unfamiliar attitude. I took a journey of being more aware consciously of Who I belong to and who I am in Him.

    I know who I am

    I am bought with a price (cor. 6:17)

    I am set apart for God (Eph. 1:1)

    I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16)

    I am a child of God (John1:12)

    I am a friend of Christ (John 15:15)

    I am free from every charge against me (Rom 8:31-34) 

    I am united with Christ (1 Cor. 6:17)

    I am a witness of Christ (Acts 1:8)

    I am the salt and light of the earth (Matt. 5: 13)

    I am a witness of Christ ( Acts 1:18)

    I am a citizen of Heaven (Phil 3:20)

    I am seated with Christ in heavenly places (Eph. 2:6)

     I am God’s workmanship (Eph 2:10)

    I am hidden in Christ Jesus (Col 3:3)

    I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor 1:21-22)

    I have been justified (Rom. 5:1)

    I am free from condemnation ( Rom 8:1)

    I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me ( Phil. 4:13)

    I have been adopted as God’s child (Eph 1:5)

    I am complete in Christ ( Col2:10)

    I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected (Phil 1:5)

    Conclusion

    Living out your identity in Christ can be challenging at times. The world will try to define you by your achievements, your status, or your possessions. But your identity in Christ is not based on any of those things. It is based on the truth of who God says you are. When you live out your identity in Christ, you can experience a life of freedom, joy, and peace.

    Who you are in Christ is one of the most important aspects of your life as a Christian. It is based on the truth of who God says you are, which gives you a new way of living. You are a child of God, loved unconditionally, and with a purpose to fulfill. Living out your identity in Him is a journey, but it is full of hope, promise, and blessing.

  • Practical ways to control your sexual urge

    Practical ways to control your sexual urge

    Although it has destroyed kings, presidents, churches, and homes, the desire for sex is a God-given gift to all humanity. By the Grace of God, we are all sexual beings but it is important to remember that “God’s will is for us to be holy, to stay away from every form of sexual sin” – 1 Thessalonians 4: 3

    Failure to control our sexual urges has produced countless children out of wedlock, abortions, abandoned babies, and cases of paternity fraud. A lack of control on this front reminds me of how the Devil comes to “steal, kill and destroy” because NOTHING. BENEFICIAL. comes from it.
    Amazingly, the consequence of this hit women harder than any gender. I read about a young lady who got to the point of exploring her sexual life and the result cost her so much. It destroyed her reputation, her destiny got stolen, and she became focused on giving her child a life she never had. Every woman is responsible for who sleeps with her, if you give in to any man this means it was your choice, not a mistake.

    My previous post was about why I think people fall into this sin and today I will discuss practical suggestions on dealing with sexual desires. I tag it as my victory plan because this is how I fight to keep myself pure. Sometimes it can be very challenging but persistence and the help of the Holy Spirit are great anchors. 

    Count the cost of failure – Pros and cons 

    On a piece of paper list out the pros and cons before making any critical decisions. This will improve your understanding of the situation. Your choice will be objective, not emotional and it will help you avoid decision-making paralysis. This way you’ll be more ready to face whatever comes back at you. ⁠⁠Just like on any battlefield; failure is defeat. Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? No, list out the consequences and losses for failing to abstain then decide if it’s worth the exercise or not.

    Engage your mind to temporarily distract yourself

    Doing chores, worshiping, taking a walk, and taking a cool shower will help. ⁠⁠Cultivate a mindset of pleasing and honoring God with your imagination. Self-control is a virtue and can be a habit. Renew your thought and ways of thinking, Joshua 1:7-8 encourage us to keep the Word alive in our mind and meditate on it day and night.

    Flee from any unnecessary sexual stimuli that can make you compromise ⁠

    Mediums that curtail sexual activity like pornography, social media, and movies should be avoided. If in a dating relationship, the standard should be cleared. Take note of your triggers and avoid them. Carefully pay attention to your triggers; they could be stress, loneliness, or frustration. Let our eyes look right on, and our eyelids look straight before us Proverbs 4:25.

    Cultivate close relationships with accountability partners

    These are reasonable people equally grounded in Christ as you. Sometimes sharing is enough to overcome… make sure your accountable person is trustworthy, non-judgemental, and equally cares. ⁠When the fight is unbearable, ask them to pray with and for you, for one chase a thousand but two ten thousand. Also, there are accountability applications that you and your accountability partner can install in your phone or laptop which will inform him/her of the sites you visit. If sin is not exposed, it will explode. 

    Learn to control your appetite ⁠

    Those who exercise no control over their appetite for food tend to have little control over their sexual appetite. Create time too fast. Uncontrolled eating and drinking are usually linked to all forms of sexual sin.

    Conclusion

    Thankfully accept your sexual nature; instead of trying to fight your desire, gladly offer it to God. Anticipate the desire because it is a part of you. Do not deny or repress your desires, treasure them and in the strength of God, wait until He leads you to your lifelong awaited partner. In the main time redirect your sexual energies into useful service to the Lord. For the married, those who travel extensively without their spouse have a greater risk of falling into sexual sin. They are far away from home and the restraints of the wife or husband are not there. You should, therefore, expect temptation and take the appropriate steps to prevent it. Such steps include; not being close to anyone of the opposite sex.

    I hope you find this helpful. As you practice these simple ways to keep yourself, I pray that you conquer to the very end.

  • Sexual sin occur due to these common reasons

    Sexual sin occur due to these common reasons

    In medicine, it is easy to understand the difference between treating the symptoms and curing the condition. Unfortunately, this understanding is much harder to come by in our lives particularly when addressing sexual sin.

    When problems arise, do you jump in and treat the symptoms, or do you stop to consider whether there’s a deeper condition that needs your attention? If you only fix the symptoms – what you see on the surface – the condition will return, and maybe worse than it was.

    If you consider sexual sin as a condition to be treated, which I do, then it has to be one of the biggest but most ignored spiritual problems of our time. Its temptation comes from Satan and our desires (James 1:13 & 14).

    If Satan has not tempted you in recent times that does not mean he has forgotten, he is just strategizing. Focus on your victory plan. If you do not have a victory plan, please work on creating one for yourself. In the next post, I will be sharing mine with you.


    Like every other gift, sex is a gift from God and has a purpose. God gave us our sexuality and wired our bodies with the impulse and sensations we feel, but misusing it or using it recklessly in a selfish way becomes a sin. Sexual sin is the improper use of our God-given sexuality. Sexual sin can be lust, fornication, adultery, masturbation, lesbianism, orgy, pornography, etc. 

    I recently realized that the greatest weapon I possess to overcome sexual sin is humility. By this I mean humbly admitting that I am not beyond falling into this sin; afterward, I take conscious precautions to avoid being a victim. So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you do not fall. 1 Cor. 10:12


    Each time I hear stories about people struggling with sexual addiction the first thing I do is pray for myself. I pray to have “all things that are needful for life and godliness…” – 2 Peter 1:3 and for them to be on my fingertips when such temptation beckons.

    What is sexual sin

    Sexual sin refers to engaging in intimate activities that violate God’s established laws on sexuality. This can be activities like fornication, adultery, incest, homosexuality, rape, etc.


    Many people still succumb to sexual sin even though it is well-known that the end is disastrous. Let me encourage you to study your Bible from Genesis to Revelation and remind yourself of God’s inflexible position on sexual sin, perhaps you will see the need to deter yourself from traveling the highway to perdition. There are several reasons/causes of this sin but these are my suggestions;

    Our fallen nature

    We first have to understand that since the fall of Adam in Genesis 3, we are now born into sin and spiritually dead at birth. This results in a natural inclination for us to do contrary to God’s will and, unfortunately, everyone has a share of this fallen nature.

    I urge you to study Galatians 5. In this passage, the Bible talks about the flesh and its practices and how we become so overwhelmed by thoughts and behaviors that sometimes we can wonder if they are real or not.

    This is to say that by default we remain under the bondage of sin until delivered by Jesus Christ. So do not be surprised if or when you find yourself drawn to any of the aforementioned sexual sins.

     “For certainly, Christ is much more powerful to save than Adam was to ruin.” John Calvin.

    A lack of genuine fear of God

    I strongly believe that a genuine fear of God ought to keep me away from sin. Proverbs 8:13 says the fear of the Lord is to hate evil. Never forget; God is omnipresent and watches all we do. If you knew there is a python or lion in your room, would you undress and commit sexual immorality? No, all the passion will vanish. You will at least run to find somewhere safe to commit the act. There is no place to hide from God and the only safe place He provided for sexual acts is marriage. Early this year I took a course on “God” and it was overwhelming. I cried as I learned about reasons to fear God and It felt like I’d never truly known Him. But two things happened to me that day; 

    1. I became convinced that God is to be feared and 
    2. I began a journey to stand in growing awe of Him. 

    Each time I am alone in my room, I consciously remind myself that He is here and I can’t misbehave. Let us see the fear of God as a critical component of our Christian life that must be carefully cultivated.

    A person fears God more when he understands His fury Psalms 90: 11. The most dangerous enterprise is to take God for granted and assumptions are deadly when dealing with a double-edged God. The fear of the Lord comes with deep reverence and respect that influence behavior. If we don’t fear God, then anything goes.

    Do you not fear Me? ‘ says the LORD. ‘Will you not tremble at My presence, Who have placed the sand as the bound of the sea, By a perpetual decree, that it cannot pass beyond it? Jeremiah 5: 22.

    Unguarded thoughts

    Here is a secret; each time you are tempted, know that a life negotiation of your destiny is ongoing. When your thoughts start to wander toward the temptation, know that a bargain has started and when you begin rationalizing it, know that you are just about to sell your destiny.

    The mind is never empty, it is filled with thoughts and imagination. When we allow our minds to be invaded by wrong thoughts, we eventually become those thoughts. Things like pornography are so evil because they corrupt the heart and open it up for other sexual sins. Philippians 4: 8 encourages us to think of things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. Remember that even though we have a nature that thirsts for temptation, we can control it from running wild. Continuous edification of the mind through scriptures, books, audio, or visual format will be of great help.

    “Guard your mind with all diligence, for out of it are issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23

    Indiscipline

    I learned that the lack of control over the use of food, drink, sleep, and tongue will usually result in indiscipline and idle time will have the same effect. We all have in us the ability to manage and control ourselves. If we can exercise self-control over our appetite for sexual desire then we can overcome sexual sin. We can start by having control over the tongue, thoughts, certain movies, etc, and from there we will grow because discipline translates over the multiple facets of our lives.

    As women, we should be more sexually modest and restrained than men, especially because a woman is responsible for who she sleeps with. We have to set standards if we want to keep ourselves off sexual sin. Know your sex triggers and stay off them. I want to say that married women are not exempted from such struggles. You can boldly share your struggles with your husband and together you two can fight them so that they won’t destroy your home. 

    “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline”. 2 Timothy 1:7

    Unnecessary companionship with men

    Emotion does not respect not gender. The intermingling of genders like having men as friends, best friends, and acquaintances could cause us more problems. When we look at the early Christians we learn how they maintain a strict division between men and women in public places to combat temptation and immorality. 

    I remember a Muslim guy I knew back in college. One day he met me walking and I innocently stretched my hand out for a handshake. He politely said, “I don’t shake women to help my sanity”. He knows his weakness and it is wise that he takes it seriously. I hear a lot of Christian ladies say that prohibition of the mixing between men and women is for Muslims and not them. But I believe we can learn a thing or two if we think rationally about the benefits of such practices.

    Walk with the wise and become wise. Proverbs 13:20

    External pressure

    Whether we like to admit it or not, external pressure affects us all. I mean not just pressure from the media, because the agenda must be pushed, but from our friends and partners also. 

    There is a skit by The Winlos which best describes this, a young lady under intense pressure from her man reaches out to her best friend for advice. The friend cautions her that withholding her body from her man will lead to a breakup. Eventually, she gives in and … you know what, just watch.

    These days not many people believe virgins still exist. To be a virgin is almost to be scoffed at or ridiculed. The innate value of purity has been pressured out of our culture. 

    Do not be deceived, for bad company destroys good character”. 1 corinthians 15:33 

    Conclusion

    Overcoming sexual sin is not an academic exercise, it is warfare. Usually, sexual temptation is an invitation to turn stone into bread simply because we are hungry – Matthew 4. As believers, we are not exempt from the struggle with sexual sin but we are equipped with the tools to thrive in such struggles. 

    Since we now have an understanding of some of the causes of sexual sin, we should figure out what we must change to offer ourselves more strength and discipline. I pray you have all the help you need to live life and godliness.

  • 5 lessons from the woman with the alabaster jar

    5 lessons from the woman with the alabaster jar

     

    ⁠Do you feel like you don’t measure up to being a God girl or feel like you love Him the wrong way? Maybe you feel insecure about your brief prayers and stiff dancing versus the marathon of bone-breaking praise offered to the Lord by others. Or perhaps you question the ability of your modest efforts to adequately ascend the skies and grab His attention?  If you answered yes to any of these; you are not alone. I have been there and sometimes I live there, but today I would like to share how I found my way through.

    My journey to realization

    ⁠I recently packed into a new apartment and a week had barely gone by before I heard my neighbor praying out loud for what seemed like the entire night. I noticed early on that this was a ritual of his.
    A ritual that took the sleep from my eyes and replaced it with
    doubts about my love for God or at the very least its genuineness because I definitely do not pray or shout this long or loud. I turned to the Bible as a response to the insecurity, the insecurity that came about from weeks of frequently comparing myself and my love for God to my neighbors. I sought reassurance from Ephesians 2: 10 and Romans 8: 28 on who I am. You see, these scriptures were my go-to in times of indecision, but no matter what I read it didn’t seem to solve my crisis. The first breakthrough came when I decided to approach the problem differently. Instead of asking what the Bible says about me, I asked a different question; how does God handle people who display insecurities? Luke 7:36-50.

    The prostitute and pharisee with Jesus.

    ⁠It is ironic how the story of an anonymous prostitute brought me peace of heart at the time I was struggling with my identity in Christ. The verses describe an unnamed woman who heard about Jesus having dinner at Simon’s home. She enters the home and proceeds to anoint Jesus’ feet with alabaster oil as well as her tears, wiping them with her hair. The host deems her undeserving of Jesus’ attention because what he sees is a sinner.

    In this story, the prostitute didn’t have the house or the food to offer Jesus, she was a sinner with a reputation to match but was unconcerned about it. She paid no attention to what others would say or think of her actions. All that was on her mind was what she had to offer and the manner of her offering – she walked in, focused on worshiping and honoring Jesus.

    Lessons learned

    Feelings of insecurity and inferiority can come about from paying undue attention to others.

    ⁠Her attitude was a profound lesson in the situation I found myself in. Here is a lady without a name, a prostitute. It would be safe to assume that wherever she went, whispers followed but yet she remained focused on her mission. In her mind, it was Simon’s roof and a hot meal versus her alabaster box. She was only watching Jesus and had no attention to spare on such vain comparisons. If she had placed her own offering or method of love side by side with others she would not have been moved to act. This is funny because the more I pay attention and compare my worship with my neighbor the more it takes away from my other facets of praise. ⁠ This woman reminded me that I only serve one person, it doesn’t matter what the world says or who else is in the room. In the place of worship, I focus on Jesus, not on myself or on others. God searches the heart. In 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, I am reminded that we are all running our race not competing with anyone for the great prize ahead 

    The attitude of our heart makes us a worshiper or worrier 

    ⁠In the story, Simon got distracted and missed the chance to play host to God in his own home worrying about what the prostitute was doing. 

    The brokenness of the heart is a good seed for righteousness and love.

    I have realized that pain and tears are marks that accompany genuine repentance. For the woman, this implies that one, she knows how much of a sinner she is, and two, she is aware that ONLY Jesus can set her free. Worship is incomplete without the knowledge and appreciation of whom you are worshiping. Simon knew it was Jesus but only the prostitute appreciated it 

    Offerings to God is a stylish testament of our love

    Your stylish love for God can be unrestrained praise, a grand bottle of perfume, or even hosting Jesus for dinner. Before you say that we cannot physically host Him, remember that Jesus has told us to feed the poor…. It can be anything but what is more important is doing it all in honor of Jesus. This story gives me a picture of what a heart of worship looks like, it is not a show, there are no stage lights and no audience to impress. It is simply my heart that seeks to honor Jesus. 

    How Jesus will respond to our love toward Him is all that matters
    Who else should we look up to if not the one who can guarantee forgiveness and eternal life.  When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, there is nothing He cannot do. The woman’s action was pleasing to God and that granted her mercy. Simon had decided who deserved his attention and how they can be honored, yet was surprised and shocked when Jesus allowed a prostitute to touch Him. So now, before I wrap myself in the cloak of social respectability or close my mind off to others, I will always remember how Jesus handled Simon.

     44Then turning toward the woman, He said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house [but you failed to extend to Me the usual courtesies shown to a guest]; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has wet My feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair [demonstrating her love]. 45 You gave Me no [welcoming] kiss, but from the moment I came in, she has not ceased to kiss My feet. 46 You did not [even] anoint My head with [ordinary] oil, but she has anointed My feet with [costly and rare] perfume. 47 Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.” 48 Then He said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”  Luke 7:44-48. What we hear God says is actually more important than what we think

    Conclusion

    ⁠The worth of God can only be manifested to us when we see Him the way He is, the prostitute and Simon the Pharisee were both in the company of Jesus and both went in different directions with their expressions of love. Simon was hospitable and normally when you invite someone for dinner you want to spend time getting to know them, right?

    My admonition to you is this; like the prostitute, don’t consider yourself unworthy to be in Jesus’s presence but consider yourself honored to fall at his feet in worship. Sometimes the best worship can be in silence. The worship of this woman was without a word, this is for the benefit of those who insist they cannot worship in public.

    What do you have to offer? 

    What is your alabaster jar? 

    What is your stylish love?

  • Dating advice you never thought you needed

    Dating advice you never thought you needed

     

    No matter how many relationships you’ve had or how many first dates you’ve been on, we’ve all probably felt we needed some advice. Whether you’re single and looking for tips to make your dating profile stand out or you’re in a new relationship, join the picture: In here are tips you may have felt you never needed but are very essential to having a healthy relationship.

     

    Not every relationship must lead to marriage

    Don’t rush things, avoid putting pressure on yourself or the other person to progress too quickly. Allow the relationship to develop naturally and enjoy the journey. It is important you date intentionally but more importantly, be aware that not every relationship will lead to marriage. This is an advice I wish someone gave early on, it would have saved me so many tears. 

    Some people are meant to bring the best out of us for the journey ahead. I am ever grateful for my first relationship, although the guy ended things with me and that hurt me so much because we were engaged. We had plans, and I believe we loved each other dearly. But we didn’t get married in the end. Each time I look back, I appreciate God for the good things I learned from him – personal growth and self-discovery. We live in a society where marriage has traditionally been viewed as the ultimate goal of a romantic relationship, it is important to recognize that not all relationships must follow this path.  

    Practice active listening 

    When on a date, be fully present and engaged in the conversation. Show genuine interest in the other person by actively listening and asking thoughtful questions. This helps build a deeper connection and makes the other person feel valued. Put away distractions such as phones or other electronic devices and give your undivided attention. Use verbal and non-verbal cues to communicate effectively, remember you two are getting to know each other better, and to some level, active engagement can help you figure out who you are on a date with.

    Prioritize self-care

     Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. When you feel good about yourself, it boosts your confidence and attractiveness. Make time for activities that bring you joy, practice self-reflection, and prioritize your well-being. 

     

    There is always someone more attractive than your partner

     In a healthy relationship, the connection between partners goes beyond physical appearance. Emotional compatibility, shared values, trust, understanding, and many other factors contribute to the overall attraction and bond between two people. While other people may look attractive, it’s important to focus on your partner’s unique qualities and connections. Also, you can help your partner improve on the things that makes them more attractive.

     The temptation to compare your partner with any attractive person out there will arise but remember that comparing your partner’s attractiveness to someone else’s can lead to insecurity and frustration in your relationship. Instead, it’s worth appreciating and admiring your partner’s personality and the qualities that make them attractive to you.  

     

    Communicate honestly and kindly 

     Open and honest communication is key to a healthy relationship. Express your needs, desires, and concerns with kindness and respect. Encourage your partner to do the same, creating a safe space for open dialogue.

     

    Focus on quality, not quantity 

     Instead of obsessing over the number of dates you go on or the number of matches you have, focus on the quality of your interactions. It’s better to have a few genuine connections than a multitude of shallow ones.

     

    Learn from past experiences 

     Reflect on your previous dating experiences and identify patterns or lessons you can learn from them. This self-awareness can help you grow and make better choices in future relationships.

     

    Have fun and enjoy the process 

     Dating can be a rollercoaster ride of emotions but try to embrace the journey and have fun along the way. Enjoy meeting new people, trying new activities, and discovering more about yourself in the process.

     Remember, dating is ultimately about finding someone who appreciates and accepts you for who you are. So, be authentic, enjoy the experience, and trust that the right person will come along when the time is right

     If this advice is helpful to you in any way please let me know, and if there is any topic you want me to write about, kindly let me know.

     

    Thanks, guys.

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