7 Little but important things to consider when choosing a life partner

Dear sisters,
When it comes to choosing a life partner, I hope you will approach this decision with openness and clarity before God. This is not a matter to be handled lightly or emotionally. When our hearts run too hot, it becomes difficult to see clearly, even the most important things can become blurred by strong feelings.

Be Calm, Be Prayerful

Marriage is a serious covenant. As Christians, we don’t treat marriage like the world does. Something you can jump into and jump out of. We are called to a higher standard. That’s why it’s vital to deliberate prayerfully and objectively. Emotions are natural, but don’t let them dictate your decisions. Step back, calm your heart, and bring everything before the Lord.

Look Beyond the Surface

Attraction and admiration are often the first steps, but they are not enough. He might be charming, popular, and kind, but check out his character. Temperament, values, and lifestyle play a significant role in the long-term health of any marriage.

Yes, people change and grow, but some traits are deeply embedded in our nature. While growth is possible, don’t ignore who someone is at their core.

Let’s explore some areas where temperamental differences can either build a joyful home or slowly tear it apart.

1. Warm vs cold-hearted

For example, one of two people loves people very much. He or she treat others with kindness and affection, esteeming everybody as lovely. But the opposite party is quite cold and indifferent toward people, lacking in love and sympathy. immediately you see trouble on both sides for there is a conflict of nature. if you who love people and treat people kindly and affectionately are married to a husband or wife who also loves people and treat them kindly and affectionately then you two will find great interest in taking care of people. You will both feel how easy marriage is. it is like you are sailing west and the current is also flowing westward. You just ride on the current. But if you are married to a person who is cold and void of feeling, you will be pulling in one direction. You feel you must bear with your spouse and your spouse certainly tries to endure you. This is short of harmonies.

2. Generosity vs reserved

A person who is most generous will put on the table everything he or she has if a brother or sister comes to the house. But if that one should marry another who counts every meal eaten by friends, that person will not have an easy home life. This difficulty is not due to a moral deficiency but of a temperamental one. Some people by nature feel hurt when their food is consumed by other people. They may purposely withhold the good and put something else on the table for guest. This is a problem of temperament not morals. I know a couple whose marriage has been silently strained by a difference in temperament particularly in the area of generosity. The wife has a deeply giving heart. She finds joy in sharing what she has with others, whether it’s food, time, or even small gifts. Giving is part of who she is it flows naturally from her.

But her husband doesn’t see things the same way. He believes strongly in preserving resources, managing every penny, and being cautious about giving. It’s not that he’s unkind or cruel, he simply values restraint and practicality, while she values open-handed generosity.
This contrast in temperament has created tension in their home. There have been times when the wife, moved by compassion, has quietly given to someone in need only to hide the act from her husband out of fear of conflict. If he finds out, it often ends in a heated argument. She ends up feeling torn between honoring her husband’s wishes and expressing her God-given nature. They both will have o endure each other and work toward adjustment however it may work for them.

3. Reflective vs impulsive 

Some people are quite reflective by nature. They ponder everything carefully and deeply. But other people do things without asking for an explanation. They stop to think after they have done something. Again, this is not a moral problem but only a difference in disposition. If that’s the kind of person you need in your life seek for a reflective life partner. But if you desire a thoughtless mate, seek for that as well. This will make life together much smoother.

4. Candid vs cautious 

Some men by nature are frank, they like candor. Some ladies are cautious by nature, they love to see others being discreet. Here again is a conflict of temperament. It is not that one way is right or the other way wrong. There’s no moral question at all, just a difficulty of temperament. One is so cautious that she tends to hide everything while the other is so candid that he inclines to disclose all. Both are beautiful. Let not the cautious criticize the candid, nor the candid the cautious. The candid feels his feet are being dragged by the cautious, but a the same time the cautious is keenly aware of someone having traveled too fast. Both suffers. I had a neighbor whose husband tells almost everyone his plans in the neighborhood. they basically have no secret plan in their marriage. This has frustrated his wife to the point of disrespecting him even in public. It’s of importance to consider this temperamental issue.

5. Homebody vs social butterfly 

Some people have a vivacious temperament while others have a calm temperament. There’s nothing wrong with either of this. It is simply a difference of temperament. But for an especially lively lady to be married to an exceedingly cool man will no doubt cause trouble in the family. Sooner or later, they will try to make this temperamental difference into a problem. They will magnify each other’s peculiarity. I personally know a husband who likes to sit at home, but he married a lady who delights in visiting others. And the husband find it quite unbearable to follow his wife and go around to people’s houses. The alternative is to stay at home and watch the house for her. He can endure this situation for a few times but he cannot endure forever. When he comes home, he rarely finds her. This is not a moral issue but temperamental problem which was overlooked at the time of dating.

6. Neat vs sloppy 

Yes, even tidiness matters! A neat person may feel anxious around clutter, while a laid-back partner may find joy in a bit of mess. One may straighten things constantly; the other may feel suffocated by it.
These habits seem small but can create long-term conflict.
A certain lady I know is especially neat and particular about her space. She follows after her husband and straightens up everything after him. But the husband takes pleasure in sloppiness.
At a particular time when she travelled, he lay on the floor with pillows all around him with so much joy in his heart. At least he can now lay wherever and however he wants.
He had been so frustrated by her cleanliness that now he got released by making everything sloppy. There are people who are naturally sloppy and they just cant help it. it’s a temperamental thing.

7. Heaven or hell at home

There’s a saying; a person may have two heavens or two hells. A happy family is like heaven while an unhappy family is like hell. An unbeliever may have two hells; he may  live in hell while alive and descend to hell after death. A Christian too may live in hell today if there is no harmony in his family; the future, though he will ascend to heaven. 

someone who flirts around with different women don’t strike a person who wants a happy home. how about a person who is rude, and lousy. I remember reading about a man whose wife quarreled with everybody. She appeared to be quite spiritual and could pray well. But when her temper was stirred no one could out talk her. She often quarreled with her neighbors and her husband was always having to apologize for her actions. Whenever he returned home, he would inquire if she had quarreled with some neighbor or others so he could make amends. As a matter of fact, she did quarrel with everyday. If only that man had married a quiet woman and she had married a passionate man, their families would not have been subject to so much disturbance.

Conclusion

Choosing a life partner is not about finding perfection but about finding harmony. _All of the above are things to be considered because they are the real issues family face in marriage. Your home can be a place of joy or sorrow, therefore, choose wisely, and let the peace of God rule in your heart and your future home.