10 ways to make your relationship work
Have you ever looked around and compared yourself to other super cute couples and wondered: “What is it they know that you don’t”? Of course, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship since every couple has its challenges. And yet, it’s true that some couples flourish while others flounder.
I had always felt that when I met the perfect guy, our love journey would go peacefully and admirably. All we had to do was love each other. After being dished with some experiences, I realized that love is not enough. The keyword on the blog’s title is work. There is no such thing as a successful relationship without work. Let me suggest ten things that can make a great relationship; Just read on to learn.
Allow for imperfection
An often-told folk tale illustrates the futility of perfectionism. A man found a beautiful pearl with one tiny flaw. He thought if he could remove that tiny imperfection, the pearl would be the world’s most priceless. So he took off the next layer, thinking the flaw would surely be removed but it remained. He continued to take off layer after layer until finally, the flaw was gone – but so was the pearl. We all have a share of strengths and weaknesses. Expect them to show off. Does this mean that we should pretend that our mates are perfect? Of course not! It means that we recognize the imperfections, but make a conscious choice to concentrate on all the good qualities, all the possibilities that lie within our partners. This is not talking about abusive traits but human frailty.
Communicate to understand
This is a process of passing information for clear and effective understanding. There were times in my relationship we miscommunicate. Other times I didn’t say important things, and our connection’s gear got gummed up. When we learn to express ourselves to the people we love, fewer things go unsaid. Communication is one of the most important parts of our lives and a relationship, though one of the hardest to do. That’s because being open and honest with our partner means being open and honest with ourselves. The happiness of a couple to a large degree can be measured by the effectiveness of their communication. Because it takes away a lot of guesswork and stress. Listening is also a very important part of effective communication, this means that we listen with our ears, eyes, mind, and our heart. A good listener can encourage their partner to talk openly and honestly
Respect each other
It’s easy to say that you have respect for someone, but acting with respect can be a bit trickier. The dictionary definition of respect means to show regard for and appreciation of worth, honor, and esteem. Words and attitudes convey or disdain respect. Avoid talking down your partner or ordering them around as you wish. When we speak, the tone of our voice shows if we are respectful or not. Respect means treating each other as equals, not as children. Avoid being rude, belittling your partner, telling jokes at their expense, and discussing their shortcomings. Even if we are angry at them, we should never air our dirty line in public or private.
Grow and evolve together
Early on in my relationship, when I first began working on some of my frailties, I told my partner. It wasn’t one big conversation. It was scary at first—and we weren’t always on the same page—but it was also comforting to have someone witness the change that was happening inside me. And by talking about my journey of growth, my partner and I felt closer to each other. We always notice the changes.
I will be concerned if my relationship of 3, 4, or 5 years is the same as when we first began. Growth and evolution are signs of healthy living. We all want to evolve in our careers, life lessons, finances, and everything in between. Our relationship should also follow suit. Evolution occurs when we learn and grow together. In the beginning, we get together. But once we get together we have to grow together to stay together. Create time to nourish each other’s self-growth. Read books, work on a project together or help each other achieve a dream.
Practice forgiveness
Let not the sun go down upon your wrath – is a statement my dad always used to say when I was a child. And for some reason, I assumed it meant that I shouldn’t go to bed angry just in case I die in the night. It’s funny but true because I’ve known cases where it has happened. And believe me, if our partner should ever leave this world during such hours of darkness, the next few years of our lives will be hugely affected by pain and regret. Sorry, for such a morbid example. I don’t mean we should think miserably about the need for forgiveness daily, I just mean we should always live and treat each other as if it were our last time together.
It’s not healthy to argue constantly in a relationship, but it’s okay to have the occasional row of conflict within the boundaries of grown-up behavior. More importantly, let us learn to always resolve our issues and forgive each other. Each time we fall out, let us apologize. Remember, we are apologizing for allowing things to get overheated and out of hand.
Play with your mate
One of the reasons I love to be with children is that they are so much fun. They tell silly jokes, giggle, share new experiences, and dream about the future. Kids are masters at playing together and enjoy simple activities with sheer joy. The two important lessons I learned about playing in a relationship are; first, play is a powerful mode of communication because one expresses keen thoughts and feelings playfully. If you want to understand your children well, watch them while playing. Secondly, play is important when a relationship is stressed. It helps couples plow through rough times because it relieves tension and helps one keep a sense of proportion when struggling with problems. Some play ideas are singing badly for your mate, sharing jokes, doing a dance competition, etc
Appreciate each other
We have a very narrow idea of what constitutes a romantic gesture. Flowers, chocolates, dinner, and saying I love are the obvious ones. But in fact, there are an infinite number of ways to show someone we love them. Every little thing they do that they don’t have to do is their way of saying I love you. If we learn to recognize these signs and appreciate them not only will our partner be good but they will feel happy and secure. Let’s compliment them, thank them for their effort, and praise all they do.
Laugh a lot
Humor and laughter relieve tension. Love and laughter build intimacy. Barbara Johnson said laughter is to life what shock absorbers are to automobiles. It won’t take the potholes out of the road, but it sure makes the ride smoother. Playing and laughter go hand in hand. If you and your mate aren’t laughing together, it’s time to begin as the scripture tells us; A merry heart doeth good like a medicine. (proverbs 17:22)
Focus on problem-solving not conflict
Almost all relationship issues are common. One of the secret ingredients of a great successful relationship is the ability to look at problems realistically and practically. We all have our problems, no one is perfect but in us is also the ability to solve these issues. It is the rare couple that doesn’t run into a few bumps in the road. If we recognize ahead of time, though, what those relationship problems might be, we’ll have a much better chance of getting past them.
I had expectations of my mate and each time my expectations aren’t met I get disappointed. After a series of conflicts, I understood that some of my expectations were slightly unrealistic and even impossible to meet. I had to review where that expectation comes from and what is more important – being unrealistic or being happy. By the way, I hate to be unhappy. The point is getting to the root cause of every conflict is far more important.
Make time for each other
Scheduling time for special activities together is essential to a great relationship. Go out on dates, pray and study the Bible together, play games, etc. Give focused attention when spending time together both in private and in public. Take a stroll, try out the swings, and see who swings the highest. We could go shopping or hike together. This heightens bonding and intimacy.
Conclusion
As you have read, I hope you have found a few chuckles, inspirational thoughts, and a new determination to make your relationship the best it can be. Continual challenges lie ahead regardless of whether we are just starting. Meet each changing stage as it comes enthusiastically and confidently. Keep an open heart for the one you love and be willing to risk opening yourself honestly for the one you love.
It takes teamwork to achieve this – two who love, trust, and respect each other, and who are committed to allowing God to rule their lives. May we be an example of godly successful relationships even in marriage. Amen.
